The flashback dialogue on this page went thru many revisions. The challenge I set for myself was to show how (and what) Trane knows about Allumette without getting too expositional or having the action grind to a dead stop. Not using “thought balloons” or narration captions/voice-overs for this story really made me work to make it clear that it’s a flashback… hopefully I was successful. If not, I’m sure y’all will let me know.
Terence, I just discovered Protege, and I have to say that I’m now a follower. I really like the story so far; I’m interested. We also have some things in common with our our stories so far, so that’s why I can’t wait to check out what you and Juan are doing here. Stop by whenever you get the chance: http://www.thecausecomic.com
As far as the flashback scene goes, I thought that it was a little bit jarring (by the way, Juan is a fantastic artist–an amazing storyteller!). I mean, I actually cheated and read your comments before I read the page, so I knew beforehand what was happening. But once I read the page, I was a little unsure of what was happening at first; however, after a few seconds, I got it. Don’t get me wrong, in terms of story structure, this moment is the perfect place for a flashback–I can almost see your story play out on screen. You’ve done a great job.
Glad you found us, Larry! It’s been a blast working with Juan on this project and I can’t wait for you to see the outstanding art he’s done on upcoming pages… powerful stuff.
And thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I realize I kinda bailed myself out by writing about the flashback, but one of the things I like about posting a comic online is when writers and artists share some of their process and challenges with readers — kinda like watching a DVD with the commentary on.